Do You Remember: Richard Gere, the Gerbil, and the Weirdest Rumour of the ‘90s

No, I don’t think it’s medically possible.

CONTENT WARNING: This piece discusses animal abuse, sexual assault, and bestiality. If you know the story, you know what you’re in for. Sorry.

"I mean, you can only hear that Richard Gere gerbil story so many times that you have to start believing it." Scream.

There are certain celebrity rumours that just stick around regardless of veracity or believability. They usually pertain to sex. If you're my age, you probably heard the claim that Marilyn Manson got a couple of his ribs removed so that he'd be able to fellate himself. If you're a bit older, you probably heard that same story but about Prince. It's easy for us to buy into stories of the decadent Hollywood set being into kinks you didn't even know existed. During the '90s, there was no sex rumour more infamous and widely shared than that involving the decade's biggest heartthrob and a gerbil.

Admit it, you've heard the story: Richard Gere ended up in the emergency room because he got a gerbil stuck up his arse. This rumour was so patently ridiculous, so biologically baffling, that it should have immediately been laughed out of even the sleaziest of tabloids. But it endured. It was referenced on talk shows, movies, and stand-up specials. Everyone had jokes about it, and no matter how much everyone knew it to be fake, they perpetuated this story for years. How? Why? And why Richard Gere?

It shouldn’t need to be said but let’s get it out of the way: gerbilling is not real. In his book, Encyclopedia of Urban Legends, Jan Harold Brunvald wrote that fictitious accounts of gerbilling were first recorded in 1984 but were about mice and a non-famous dude. The idea was that, by sticking a live animal into your arsehole, you could gain intense sexual stimulation. Letting it rummage around your prostate is thrilling, so the legend goes. In some versions, the rodent should be covered in a drug like heroin to add an extra high.

This is so obviously ridiculous that I feel like I'm having a stroke just by typing this out (in fairness, Dundee is in the middle of a heatwave so I am sort of losing my mind.) Rodents have sharp claws and teeth, which are not conducive to anal pleasure, even for the biggest freaks. The hygienic consequences of this would be disastrous. Plus, if it was actually a thing that people did, you’d hear about it way more often than as some whispered about practice akin to the actions of a cult. At the very least, there would be peer-reviewed medical reports on this. Even Dan Savage, one of the most prominent sex columnists on the planet, said he’d never heard a first or second-hand account of gerbilling in his many years as an expert.

Bestiality is, alas, a real thing, however. M. Jenny Edwards, an attorney specializing in criminal law and sexual offenses relating to bestiality, zoophilia and zoosexuality, told MEL Magazine that gerbilling probably is real, although it more likely involves other kinds of animals aside from rodents. Such practices tend to kill the animal. Still, even if this thing is real, it was never a nationwide issue and wouldn’t be something to joke about because it’s animal abuse and also illegal.

But how did Gere get involved? Well, first we need to talk about his career and image.

(Image via People.com)

In the ‘90s, Gere was widely seen as one of the sexiest men on the planet. American Gigolo had made him a star and movies like Pretty Woman turned him into an object of romantic affection for many women. He was a gentleman, a non-macho soul whose work often put him in conversation with topics of masculinity and desirability for the female masses. If you needed a man to sweep you off your feet, Gere was the top choice.

But there was a brewing backlash to Gere among the industry and the press. He was proudly political, advocating for the Tibetan independence movement and frequently calling out the Chinese government, to the point where he's reportedly banned for life from entering China. Gere has said that he feels his advocacy for a free Tibet has stopped him from being cast in many Hollywood blockbusters of recent years, as the American film industry bends over backwards to appease one of the biggest markets on the planet (just see how they treated Kundun for evidence of that.) Plus, Gere has done a lot of work for AIDS awareness, raising funds for a residential facility in India for women and children with the disease.

Being openly political in Hollywood isn’t rare, but people saw Gere as sanctimonious and, to put it bluntly, wimpy. He was an actor who mostly appealed to women and who publicly preached for issues that made him unpopular. Even in the 2000s, as his profile waned, he was derided for calling out the Iraq War. Gere was seen as, well, not that manly, and with that came a lot of the expected and tedious gay rumours. Never mind that he married Cindy Crawford and dated an enviable array of famous and beautiful women (Barbra Streisand! Tuesday Weld! Padma Lakshmi! Priscilla Presley!)

While with Crawford, their relationship drew a lot of media attention, in part because of their age difference. And it didn't stop the gay rumours. It got to the point where, in 1994, the couple took out a full-page ad in The Times to address the endless gossip. It cost them about £20,000 to let the world know that they were "heterosexual and monogamous" and "very married." They weren't getting divorced, they said. They would announce their split the following year.

(Image via Vogue.)

So, we have a very famous man who the world was treating as a viable target for mockery and homophobic speculation. We have a growing urban legend with homophobic roots. And we have the increasing prevalence of the internet. That old story about an anonymous man and a mouse became Richard Gere and a gerbil. MEL Magazine noted that "before that gerbil permanently attached itself to Gere, it was briefly assigned to an unnamed Cleveland Browns linebacker, as well as Philadelphia newscaster Jerry Penacoli and weatherman Rick Segal." It stuck to Gere, though.

Homophobia is partly to blame. A lot of stories of sexual deviance are used as queerphobic attacks, a tactic that is still used to this day, especially by transphobes who try to smear their targets as child groomers. Queerness is often given false associations to predatory behaviour by bigots, and bestiality is an old favourite.

Here is apparently convinced that the rymour was started by Sylvester Stallone, of all people. The pair were supposed to work together on a movie called The Lords of Flatbush but they didn't get on and Stallone reportedly had Gere fired. Stallone told Ain't It Cool News in 2006, "Richard was given his walking papers and to this day seriously dislikes me. He even thinks I’m the individual responsible for the gerbil rumor. Not true… but that’s the rumor.” Another source may be comedian Sam Kinison, who made endless references to the rumour in his early stand-up specials, usually in extremely homophobic ways. whatever the case, it’s a story that stuck around for pretty much the entire decade. I first heard about it in Scream then saw jokes about it on The Simpsons and The Vicar of Dibley. I’m not sure I even understood the implications of it.

To his credit, Gere ignored the rumour and didn’t talk about it publicly for a very long time. It inevitably would have Streisand Effect-ed the issue if he’d written a statement or another full-page Times ad. He seemed aware of how repulsive and homophobic the story was and that nothing good would come from acknowledging its existence. It also could have happened to anyone. It did. Most of these rumours cling to multiple victims, often for no damn reason other than that the instigators chose them for it.

Gerbilling is one of those sex rumours you can’t spin into something positive. Sexual prowess and a freaky edge is often good for a famous man’s image. It was part of Gere’s for a while, thanks to stuff like American Gigolo (still his best role and a startling depiction of sex work, masculinity as a commodity, and gay panic.) We’re a kink-phobic and generally sex negative society, and we’ve little room for the nuances of fetish in whatever form it takes. Writing this piece, I couldn’t help but think about how Sean Combs’ multiple allegations of rape and sex trafficking were reduced to “he’s just a bit freaky” by his defenders. They sprayed baby oil over one another after the verdict. They were thrilled to co-opt women’s pain and claim it was a display of macho power. Sadly, this often happens with victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. Women get smeared as manipulative jezebels who “really wanted it” and the men are simultaneously innocent bystanders and hardcore sex gods.

You can’t do that with gerbilling, especially when it’s coded as a gay thing. It’s not even about the suffering of the animal either. It’s the idea that a man would ever lower himself to having to use an animal rather than a person. It makes them “less of a man”. That’s partly why the legend has stuck around for so long. What says more about our homophobic society, our disdain for women, and the conspiracy-laden Hollyweird ramblings, than a gerbil in a megastar? Believability hardly matters. Print the legend, right?