This Week in Gossip #24

Rich people drama, music people drama, YouTube drama, and indie horror movie drama.

Rich people drama, music people drama, YouTube drama, and indie horror movie drama.

1. Why is David Beckham Suing Marky Mark?

Let's start things off with some rich people drama.

David Beckham is suing Marky Mark Wahlberg after he claims a fitness brand deal left him missing out on millions of pounds. The former friends have now turned enemies following some financial wheeling and dealing regarding the fitness brand F45. For those of us who don't have mad gains, bruh, F45 is a franchise of fitness centres based in Texas that is known for its 45 minute high-intensity workouts. Imagine Crossfit with less tyre punching. In 2019, Marky Mark's investment group purchased a minority stake in the company, which helped to bump up its overall value. Marky Mark was named chief brand officer in July 2022, so if you've ever wondered why his social media presence is half Catholicism, half fitness bro, that's why.

Beckham became the global ambassador for F45, which his legal team is now claiming he was misled into doing. Beckham's company alleging that he was promised shares and that these would have been handed over in early 2022, but there was a delay of several months during which time the value of the company dropped significantly. He's alleging a loss of about £8.5 million in potential profits. For the record, Beckham is reportedly worth $450 million.

The fun thing about rich people drama like this is that it’s fun to root against everyone. Marky Mark is a racist a-hole who thinks that his hardcore pivot into Catholicism will give him a new moralistic sheen to his capitalist hunger, all while doing everything he can to avoid truly repenting for his past violence towards people of colour. Beckham is a shameless shill who sold out to be the cutesy face of the Qatari government during the World Cup, pocketing around $10 million to help whitewash a homophobic country and its many deaths related to the building of the event’s stadiums. Both of these men are obscenely wealthy and all they want is more money, and the idea of not making it is enough to cause temper tantrums.

This lawsuit does expose the seedy truth of celebrity-related businesses and endorsements. I don’t think any of us were naïve enough to think that Marky Mark got into the fitness world for his health, or that Beckham truly believed in F45. Ryan Reynolds is not a devotee of Mint Mobile for its Wi-Fi promises or whatever. Rich people always want to be richer and they’ll sign up to any number of side-hustles to get there. It’s worked out well for Beckham, who made infinitely more cash as a brand guy than a footballer. Marky Mark commands a hefty paycheque for his movies but it’s all the other stuff that pays the bills.

In this mess, I am thoroughly Team Nobody. These people need to be taxed more.