This Week in Gossip #39

Broke behaviour, weirdo cancel culture dudes, brotherly hate, and shutting down nonsense.

Is Armie Hammer Actually Broke?

Armie Hammer, the actor and accused sexual abuser whose career took a nosedive because people seemed more weirded out by a strange fetish than the vile accusations, has been trying to make a comeback. It’s not been going well. When the only people willing to platform you are Piers Morgan and Bill Maher, you know the tides are not turning in your favour. Riding the wave of the faux-outrage, anti-woke vultures isn’t paying off, and not even having Robert Downey Jr. as a supportive pal is getting him work. I still wouldn’t put it past him to fall into the Ben Shapiro pipeline or something like that, but it is fascinating to me that the trades, which are usually eager to support a “cancelled” person, are staying clear.

Hammer was reportedly so broke that he took to selling timeshares on the Cayman Islands, where he lives. Now, he’s letting everyone on Instagram know that he’s back in Los Angeles to start afresh, and his downsizing efforts include selling his beloved truck. You can now own Armie Hammer’s car. Sure, why not?

There's been a lot of discussion as to how broke Armie Hammer actually is. Sure, he never became the movie-star that the industry was desperate to make him into, but he made his money. He's also from an obscenely wealthy family. His great grandfather was an oil businessman who was once described as "Lenin's chosen capitalist." His great-grandmother was a baroness. There was an entire documentary miniseries, House of Hammer, about how comically evil this family is thanks to the toxic privilege of old money. Armie's mother is currently shilling a self-published memoir about how "cancel culture ultimately brought her family back together" and also that she's found God.

A big part of Armie Hammer’s “a star is born” story is the claim that his family disowned him when he decided to become an actor. This has led many to believe that he is still cut off and not receiving any financial aid from them now that he’s jobless and creepy. A “source” told People that Armie actually wants to get his life together without their help. ""He doesn’t want to be seen as taking favors.” Added another source: "He hasn't been leaning on family money or what people might think because he's a 'Hammer.' It seems like he's really put in the work with treatment." Sure, whatever. It’s so real, “you can’t fire me, I quit” energy, right?

The thing about celebrities is that very few of them are actually as rich as you think they are. We’re wedded to the idea that fame brings with it infinite financial growth, and that’s never been the case. Even actors you know and love struggle from time to time, as we saw during the SAG-AFTRA strike (Chloe Sevigny is currently asking her Instagram followers if they know of a New York apartment she can sublet. That’s how the state of affairs is for most who aren’t earning $20m+ a film.) So, I do believe that, assuming Armie Hammer doesn’t have any family support, that he’s “broke”, although that also gets us into the definition of that word as it applies to a guy who grew up in the lap of luxury. If he’s living in L.A. again, we know that isn’t cheap so he’s at least secure enough to make that happen. Is he getting help from someone, familial or otherwise?

I think we’re fascinated by this downfall because we so rarely see the aftermath of tangible consequences. No, you don’t get to cloister yourself in your mansion or return to your glamorous high-paying job as though nothing happened. You have to, gasp, go get a “normal” job for a while. It’s not accountability, per se, but it is something. At the heart of this case is the reality that a number of women made extremely serious accusations against Hammer and the press either ignored them or got too wrapped up in the cannibal DMs to tackle the real story. It still feels like they’re being dismissed, even when Hammer sticks his foot in his mouth and admitted that yeah, he did brand one of his exes, but there wasn’t any blood or anything! He can live in his new car, for all I care.

Okay, But Will Oasis Actually Play Those Comeback Concerts?

The sky has fallen. Cats and dogs living together. Mass hysteria. Yes, it’s true: Oasis is reuniting. The ever-warring Gallagher brothers have decided to put aside their differences for a series of UK gigs in 2025. A European tour is expected at some point, and rumours are swirling that dates will be added for North American gigs. At the time of writing this, the tickets have not yet gone on sale, but I expect chaos to reign. And no, I’m not buying any. I don’t have a house to remortgage to pay for them.

Oasis was a very big deal in the ‘90s. They’re still one of the biggest selling bands in British music, and certainly one of the most influential. Their first two albums are considered bona fide masterpieces that are played regularly to this day. And then there was the lore, the press-hogging narrative of the endless battle between Liam and Noel. They reached levels of hating that few of us mere mortals could ever hope to replicate. Their bad behaviour, endless squabbles, and disdain for anyone who even looked at them a bit funny made them tabloid magnets. They’re still getting press attention for their inability to shut up. Nobody expected them to reunite, especially since they’ve spent so much time talking about how the other one is a total wanker. But hey, money talks, and divorces are expensive, right Noel?